Despite this, co-parenting can be rewarding when done right. It assists to understand the common co-parenting issues you may come across in your journey and how you can address them. Below, we’ll outline four of these matters along with some tips to tackle them.
Badmouthing the other parent
One of the most distressing situations you may find yourself in is hearing your child say that your co-parent said something disparaging about you. Your child might say “mum said X about you” or “dad says you did X. Why?”
While you personally may feel attacked, the ultimate victim here is the child. When children hear their parents talking poorly about one another, it can negatively impact self-worth.
How to address: As soon as you discover your co-parent has been bad-mouthing you to your child, reach to your co-parent straight away. Say that while they have the right to think whatever they want about you, it’s not right or healthy to vent those feelings in front of your child.
Giving up control
It can be very hard for a parent to let go of having continuous control over their children. This is especially the case if you were the primary caregiver when you were together with your partner. While consistency is important in both your home and your co-parent’s home, differences are going to arise.
How to address: Focus on what you can control when you’re with the kids and forget about the rest. Treat the entire ordeal as a commercial arrangement and try and leave emotions out of it.
Never agreeing
You may experience a failure to agree with you co-parent on a whole range of important decisions. Whether it be bedtime, using social media, diet or watching TV, you may feel like you’re never going to agree.
How to address: Learn to compromise, so that you can get what at least some of what you want. If so, engage the services of a mediator to work through all the issues if needed. The key here is to identify the best interests of the child, rather than yourself.
Ex-partners breaking agreements
If your co-parent does not follow through on your co-parenting agreement or parenting plan, this needs to be addressed immediately. You don’t want your co-parent to ‘test’ the boundaries without consequences.
How to address: Be firm with your co-parent. If they don’t follow the rules, then the rules will need to be changed. Discuss between yourselves precisely how you want the arrangement to work going forward. If this does not work, it may be necessary to engage the services of a third party such as a counsellor or family law specialist.
At Safe Place Therapy, our parent counsellors can assist on all co-parenting matters. Patty Arceri and Rob Weller are experienced counsellors who can help you and your partner work together to ensure your child receives the best upbringing as possible.
