Finding the strength and confidence to leave a toxic relationship isn’t easy, but it’s easier done when you have a support system around you.
Signs your relationship is toxic
A toxic relationship is one where the partner’s needs are not met. There is often a lack of trust, and frequently a lack of emotional intimacy. Partners may feel consistently unhappy, unsafe, threatened or as if they are being manipulated or controlled. This can have a major negative impact on somebody’s mental health. Other red flags that my indicate that your relationship is toxic include:
- There are acts of domestic violence and / or emotional abuse
- Your partner calls you names or puts you down in front of others
- Your partner constantly criticises you, which impacts your self worth
- Your partner is emotionally unavailable, non-committal or unfaithful
- You are unhappy in the relationship but too afraid to leave
- There are signs of co-dependency
- You ignore something you feel is a red flag
How to end a toxic relationship
When you are in a toxic relationship, your confidence may have taken a dive. You may feel as though you don’t deserve healthy relationships, but at the same time find the idea of being single very difficult.
You may be afraid of being alone, or have a fear of retribution should you try and end the relationship. As you are preparing to leave a toxic relationship, you need to do invest in yourself and reframe your thinking about what you really need and want for yourself.
Below, we’ll outline some steps to indicate how you can get out of a toxic relationship.
Start asserting your independence
Leaving a toxic relationship is a process. Once you have decided to end the relationship, take regular steps towards your independence. Spend more time with friends and family without your partner. Reclaim time to participle in activities and groups that interest you. Undertake acts of self care such as mediation, exercise, sleep or getting a massage. Take practical actions as well, which could include getting your own bank account, investigating housing options for yourself and moving out.
Make the break
When you let your partner know that you are ending your toxic relationship, you need to let them know in a very clear and definitive way. Speak to them in person in a factual way and avoid entering an argument. Understand that your partner will likely be very hurt and angry. Have someone there with you if you are concerned about your safety and become familiar with services such as the domestic violence hotline if you are particularly worried.
Dealing with difficult emotions
During the process of ending a toxic relationship, be prepared for a tidal wave of emotions. You may feel:
- Angry
- Despondent
- Exhausted
- Frustrated
- Upset
- Worried that you made the wrong decision
It is important that you recognise that these emotions are completely normal, and that you manage them appropriately.
Seek professional help
All of these feelings are valid, and you don’t need to experience them on your own. A mental health professional can be there to guide you through this challenging time. If you want to learn more about how to get out of toxic relationships (or how to improve them), our relationship counsellors have extensive experience in working with people who are dealing with the complex emotions and experiences of being in and leaving such relationships.
Counsellors at Safe Place Therapy have provided counselling to people from all ages and backgrounds, especially those who been involved in violent and toxic relationships. As trained therapists, they will assist you to develop skills to navigate these complex emotions, and reclaim your independence and be confident about the choices you have made. With their support, you will be able to develop insight and awareness about this challenging experience, and equip you with the skills you need to find true happiness.
