In this article we will talk about some common experiences and ways that counselling can help. We will use the term ‘neurodivergent’ to describe both people with autism and ADHD.
ADHD and autism are commonly misunderstood, even by mental health professionals. Our neurodivergent clients often tell us they have been misdiagnosed with anxiety, depression, or borderline personality disorder. Our clinicians are skilled in identifying what might be caused by an underlying neurodivergence, and what might be something else.
Struggles in maintaining interpersonal relationships, regulating emotions, focusing and attention, maintaining daily routines, and interpreting situations in ways that differ from “the norm” are some common experiences for people with autism or ADHD – but the list goes on. People’s experiences can vary widely, and two people might have totally opposite experiences of the same condition.
Feeling overwhelmed
Neurodivergent people can easily feel overwhelmed by their environment, with things like noise, sounds, smells, people speaking to you. The brain can register this as ‘too much information’ to be taking in all at once, and can leave someone feeling depleted quite quickly. Our clients often tell us that a normal work or school day is simply too exhausting, and they don’t have enough time to recuperate and recharge before the next day comes.
Losing time
Some other common experiences are losing time – suddenly realising it’s 4pm and you are not sure what you did all day. Another example is tangential or lateral thinking – thought processes that are less linear, and more creative. This can look like going on tangents while speaking, or having many threads of thought going all at once, and sometimes not being sure how you got there. This can be challenging in some contexts like work, but great in other areas like creative pursuits.
Experiencing deep, intense emotions that are hard to describe or control is another common theme we hear from our neurodivergent clients. Neurodivergent people experience all the same emotions as neurotypical (non-neurdivergent) people, but sometimes with more intensity and less clarity. Trouble identifying emotions is particularly common in autistic people. You know you are having a big emotion. You can feel it, but it’s hard to name it or understand it.
Struggles with communication
Struggles with communication are common too, and can leave someone feeling like they are socially inept or awkward. The reality is that socially accepted forms of communication change all the time, and the way our brains pick up on this information is different for different people. An autistic might understand social interactions in terms of patterns and formulas, and repeats these patterns and formulas. A person with ADHD might want to bond with someone by telling a story with lots of rich detail. Some of these communication patterns might not be well received these days due to the current ‘social norms’ of our society.
As a result, someone who communicates in these ways might be perceived negatively by others who misinterpret the intention behind them. The ADHD person who shares an extremely detailed story is not trying to take over the conversation or be the centre of attention – they are trying to connect deeply with someone. The autistic person who memorises details of how people tend to express joy and mimics them is not being disingenuous – they are trying to truly understand people.
Since these experiences are often hard to understand or get support for, it’s easy for people to develop shame about them. It’s easy to think that there is something wrong with you, that your struggles in life are caused by some failing on your part. For some neurodivergent people, people in their lives who didn’t understand what was happening have told them this as well.
Struggling socially or academically
Struggling socially or academically in school is a common experience for neurodivergent people. Many of our clients tell us they were told they were lazy, incompetent, socially inept, foolish, or not trying hard enough. These experiences can be internalised, and become the beliefs we hold about ourselves. We commonly work with clients to undo these beliefs they have gained along the way. And to recognise that the problem is not within themselves.
We believe in the social model of disability, which is the idea that people are ‘disabled’ by their health conditions because we live in a society that does not cater for them. Part of what makes having ADHD or autism a challenge is that we do not have a good social understanding or acceptance of these conditions. Imagine if we lived in a world where sensory aids were available everywhere, where everyone could work the number of hours that worked for them and still live a comfortable life, where communication aids were affordable and accessible. Life would be a lot easier for neurodivergent people and they may not feel as impacted by their conditions.
Sadly, that is not the world we live in. Neurodivergent people have to learn how to make it work in this world. But it is still important to acknowledge that the world is where a large part of the problem lies – not in you. Activists are working tirelessly to create a better world for neurodivergent people. While we can hope for that in the future, counselling can help you find strategies to make life happier and more liveable in the now.
We can help
We have clinicians who are experienced and skilled in working with both ADHD and autism.
They can help you:
- learn more about it
- understand whether you might have one or both of these conditions
- guide you in seeking a diagnosis, and
- support you with real, practical strategies to help you manage your experiences.
Or read on to learn more about our ADHD counselling and Neurodiversity counselling services.
