Unfortunately, this is something a lot of couples go through. Loving somebody who is always angry can be challenging and overwhelming. You’ll often have no clue what to do, and often experience either the dreaded ‘silent treatment’ or the scary outbursts of rage.
However, there are things you can do about it. Below, we’ll outline some strategies to cope and overcome the pain of dealing with a husband who is always angry.
Why is my partner angry all the time?
If you’re wondering why your spouse is so enraged, there may be a few reasons.
It’s not your fault
The first thing to understand is that if your husband is permanently angry, it is not your fault. He may blame you – saying that your provoked him, that you’re acting like an idiot or that you’re doing something to make him enraged.
But blame means shifting responsibility – and that’s exactly what he’s trying to do. He’s an adult and must take responsibility for his own actions. That is the defining feature of a healthy adult.
The only person he should blame is himself, so let’s explore some other reasons why he may be angry.
Depression and grief
Around a million Australian adults experience depression, so it would not be unusual if your husband is suffering depression. Anger issues are well-known symptoms of depression.
Your husband may also be grieving. It may because of a recent death, divorce or even termination of employment.
Stress
While some stress is generally good for you, too much is not. A failure to manage high level of stress can result in anger. Your husband could be stressed over other aspects of his life, whether it be something in his family or his job.
Trauma
Your husband may be experiencing trauma that he has not addressed. This could be over something that happened when he was child or something that happened at work. He may be dealing with post traumatic stress and not even realise it.
How to deal with your angry husband
An angry husband is nothing you want to just ‘deal’ with passively or just walk away. Psychological and emotional abuse are forms of domestic violence, and this can really affect your self-esteem and wellbeing. There are a few strategies you can implement to cope with a husband who is always bitter and angry.
Change your frame of mind
You can’t control what your husband does. But you do have the power to determine your reaction. If your husband is angry, it means he’s most likely feeling some degree of weakness inside of him. Don’t be angry back (even if he deserves it). Feel empathy and understand where he is coming from.
Encourage him to express emotions
Society expects men to hide their emotions. Therefore, he may be expressing how he ‘really’ feels at home.
But anger is not a healthy way to express emotion. Instead, the correct way to approach is to deal with the anger when it happens. It could be anything from squeezing a stress ball to taking deep breaths.
Get him to seek help
While his anger could be greatly affecting your mental health, his anger is his problem to deal with. There comes a time when the burden is no longer yours. It is his job to get help for what he’s going through and learn to control his anger.
However, you can help him realise that by gently talking to him about the issue. Encourage him to get help over his latest irrational burst of anger, such as anger management or counselling for depression. He may surprisingly be receptive to the idea.
Seek relationship counselling
Sometimes, nothing may seem to be working. If that’s the case, it may be time to seek professional relationship counselling. At Safe Place Therapy, we provide a completely safe environment for couples who need help with dealing with anger.
Our therapists here at Safe Place are passionate when it comes to helping people dealing with issues around mental health and wellbeing. They have experience counselling people from all different backgrounds and can support you to building a healthy relationship with your spouse.
You can book an appointment through our website.
