Anger management is sometimes considered like a taboo. Some people feel apprehensive about attending counselling and therapy. There’s no need to be worried.
In fact, it is very simple. If you have a car that seriously breaks down, you will generally go to get it fixed by a skilled qualified mechanic, in a garage – you don’t try to fix it yourself. In the same way, if your house is seriously on fire, it’s a good idea to call the fire services, not just reach for a bucket.
Here are our top 7 tips for anger management.
Anger management: Safety First
It is really important to think of a safety plan for others around you and yourself. When you notice the anger rising, what are you going to do to keep yourself and others safe? Yes, it might feel out of control BUT you need to keep yourself and others safe.
Rating your anger from 0-10
A lot of people say they go from ‘0 to 10’ in no time. This might be the case but it can be really helpful to describe what a 10 looks like. To do this, think about the worst situation where your anger was too much.
What happened? What happened in your body? How would you describe yourself at this 10? Then let’s describe what a 0 looks like for you. Then what does a 5 look like? So the anger is there but you can still talk calmly and work through the issue.
As anger is normal, it is okay to be within the 0-5 range. But anything more than that, you need to move away, take some time, and work through strategies.
What helps at level 10?
When describing the anger at 10 many clients say it’s like ‘talking to a brick wall’ because you shut off and there is no longer any point talking. So talking needs to stop then. And you need to give yourself space and time to cool it before working through the anger. Our main aim is to prevent the 10 level from happening. By doing this, the anger becomes more manageable.
So what does help at this level? Think about it and put it in place.
Noticing when it gets to more than level 5
We really need to stop anybody from getting to that level 10 because it prevents you from engaging with others and working through things properly. So you need to recognise when you have hit the level 5 mark and what you need to do at this point too.
Talking it out in a calm way
Many people dealing with anger feel that many things are unresolved in their life. Usually, this is because they go to 10 straight away. And there is no point in discussing things when you are ‘seeing red’. Once you have practised slowing your anger down, you can start to talk things through. Again, check in with yourself, notice your emotions and focus on what you need at that moment.
Understanding what is under the anger
Anger for a lot of people (especially men) is a quick response. Some people may see it as a more acceptable response than, say, being sad or afraid. However, by slowing things down, we can start to unpack what is really going on and deal with it. An experienced counsellor can help with the process of sitting with the current feelings.
Being honest and getting support
Are you feeling alone in this? Getting help and having a professional on your side can be a great way to move away from always being angry. It takes courage to first acknowledge things aren’t good, and then to seek help for it. On top of this, being truly honest with what is going on can be scary. There is that old saying ‘A PROBLEM SHARED IS A PROBLEM HALVED‘. Take the time to think about what support you need and reach out for it.
If you need more information, check our anger management blog or head to our counselling service page.
