It’s not easy to have a hard conversation about how we feel in a relationship. The best work out people see is just to ‘keep the peace’ and don’t say anything. There is desire to try and keep things calm so its ‘best no to talk about it’ or worry that they partner might get hurt so best not to say anything. The biggest fear is the unknown and being unsure of how our partner might react or what they might say or do in retaliation. This stops many people from talking altogether or filtering the conversation and being less than 100% transparent.
We need to ask ourselves,’how can we move forward and get our needs meet if we don’t share what we really think and feel?’ How fair is it on you to hide these thoughts and feelings and to keep it bottled up? How fair is it also on your partner not to share so they help move forward too? This is how relationships stagnate and fall into a rhythm of secrecy and superficial conversations. The number one issue raised in counselling is poor communication and feeling unsupported in the partnership. This means that there is an inability to be vulnerable and to share in a safe way and then get supported in that moment.
So what would it be like to be vulnerable with your partner? Has it been possible in the past ? if so what was that like and what did you partner do to help you feel safe in that moment? Working this stuff out is important needed. Here are some common things that stop people talking about important matters
-Worried about the person leaving
-Worried about the reaction
-Worried that the person wont care
– Worried that they are making a big deal out of nothing
-Thoughts of ‘they should know what the issue is’
-Thoughts of ‘they wont listen or understand’
Usually there is logical reasons why people don’t talk but doesn’t mean it is healthy or helps the relationship grow. If you really want to make long lasting change we need to work together to find a way to openly express thought and feelings in a safe way that meets each partner’s needs. Safe place Therapy has a long history in working with couples to make better ways of talking and to talk through the tricky stuff. Got something on your mind that you honestly cant talk to anyone about, especially your partner? Its ok to reach out for individual help too. At Safe Place Therapy safety comes first and we want to work with you and your partner to create this.
Need to talk more about the above? Gives us a call for a further chat about your situation. There is no obligation here to book a time it might be worth just talking through what is going on with an objective non biased person. Take the time for your relationship and reach out today